


shouldn't be a good in goodbye

by bobbimqrse



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4383878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbimqrse/pseuds/bobbimqrse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This was a mistake,” she says, eventually. There’s nothing left to say.<br/>“Damn right we were,” he spits back.<br/>“That’s not what I meant –“<br/>“But I do. We’re over, Bob.”</p><p>***</p><p>Post Real Shield reveal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	shouldn't be a good in goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> \- Takes places after the Real Shield reveal, which isn't resolved as quickly as it was.  
> \- This was started around episode 2x14 (and I only recently decided to finish it) so it isn't canon compliant after that point.  
> \- Title from the song 'Shouldn't Be a Good in Goodbye' by Jason Walker

When he first sees her again, she is a blur of blonde curls. One of her assailants crumples to the ground with a blow to the head, another taken down in an intricate series of moves that used to leave him breathless. He realises he’s staring and turns away. His hand goes to the flask at his hip and he doesn’t stop to think until he feels the burn of the liquor in his throat.  There’s no way he’s having this conversation sober, protocol be damned. He takes another swig.

The last of her opponents is sent spinning with a kick and she bends to pick up her fallen baton, sliding it back into its sheath. That’s when she notices him. Her mouth forms the single syllable of his name in surprise. _Lance._   

Bobbi starts to move towards him before stopping abruptly. There’s a flash of something that looks an awful lot like betrayal in her eyes, and then she turns and moves towards the back exit. He looks down, realising he’d trained his gun on her. He doesn’t lower it.

He follows her because she let Mack choke him and chain him to a sink, and dragged him to a base in the middle of the ocean.

He follows her because this time she’d been the one to ruin everything, when he thought they’d had a chance. She’d ruined it all with her lies, and her dedication to an agency that he never could compete with.

He follows her because he’d chosen to trust her despite all the warning signs, and because she’d been lying to him since the day she came back into his life. The lies were the only constant in their relationship.

He turns the corner and is surprised to feel a gentle hand on his forearm. Reflexes take over and his fist is flying out. She ducks (of course) and then he’s face to face with her. There’s blood in her hairline and he almost reaches up to assess how serious it is, a habit he’d picked up when she’d come home from a bad mission bleeding in at least five places, insisting that she was fine.

God, he needs so much more alcohol for this conversation.

“Lance,” she says, and her voice is barely above a whisper. She has no idea what to say to make any of it better. There’s nothing she _can_ say.

“Don’t call me that,” he half snarls at her. Her use of his first name only reminds him of the early days of their marriage, when things were so much better and he thought they could make it work.

“I’m sorry.” It’s useless. Two little words will never be enough. She could whisper a thousand apologies, but it won’t change the years of lies and betrayals.

“You always are.” How could he ever think this time would be any different? He never should have trusted her.

“I do love you.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

His heart clenches as he says it. Once upon a time, he would turn a blind eye to her half-truths and the distractions to stop him asking questions. Back then, it was all worth it, just to hear her say that.

But there’s no way back to soft kisses and sarcasm and _don’t die out there_. Not anymore.

Lance knows it. Bobbi knows it too. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

“It does matter,” she says, and she feels tears pricking in her eyes.

It hurts more than she thought it would. She had been expecting him to shout and throw things. This cold fury was so much worse. “I love you so much. That never changed.”

“SHIELD will always come first with you, Bob.”

“I’m sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt.”

“I still ended up chained to a sink though, didn’t I?”

She closes her eyes, knowing that if she doesn’t get a grip soon she’s going to start crying and she won’t be able to stop. There’s venom in his tone, poisoning the nickname that had brought so many smiles to her face. He has every right to hate her. She _deserves_ his hate. But it still hurts like hell.

“Mack overreacted. But our mission – it’s important…” she trails off. Excuses were even more useless than apologies.

“More important than us? We could have been happy, Bobbi, for once. If you’d just told me the truth.”

“I hoped you wouldn’t ask questions… I wanted to explain it all to you later.”

“So I was right, then. You just expected me to turn against everyone, our _friends_.”

“It wasn’t–“

“You wanted me to betray them for _you_. When all you’ve done is lie.”

“Nobody would have been hurt. I would have made sure of that,” she begins, weakly “You have to understand. Coulson’s secrets are dangerous. For all of us.”

“Oh that’s rich! Coming from you!”

She doesn’t bother trying to explain that her secrets only hurt _them_ , whereas Coulson was Director, and that it was different. He wouldn’t understand. She’s screwed up everything this time. She was a fool to think he’d ever forgive her after promising that she wasn’t hiding anything.

“This was a mistake,” she says, eventually. There’s nothing left to say.

“Damn right we were,” he spits back.

“That’s not what I meant –“

“But I do. We’re over, Bob.”

She bites down hard on her lip, hard enough that she can taste blood. All she wants is him. This mission, it’s not worth losing him over. And maybe she’d go back and change things if she could; refuse to infiltrate Coulson’s team, never lie to him again, give them a proper chance to build something real…

But it’s too late; she’s already lost him, and people are relying on her. There’s no point in _what ifs_.

“I can’t let you leave, Bob,” he says, tone ice cold. She’s barely made it two steps before he says it. She sighs, running a hand through her hair.

“You can’t stop me,” she replies, sadly.

Lance raises his gun again, pointing it towards her heart. If she wanted to, she could have him disarmed and on the ground in three moves, even if he is almost as good as her. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t want a fight. It’ll only end with them both bleeding out in this abandoned parking lot.

“Just surrender.”

 “You know I can’t do that,” she says instead “Not even for you.”

“We both know all you wanted was an ally. You thought I’d side with you no matter what. Don’t pretend you actually gave a damn.”

“I did. I _do_ , Lance.”  

“Stop lying.” He’s practically growling now, her words starting to make him doubt himself. He wants to be with her. He can’t, though. He can’t let himself fall for her again. So he channels the doubt into anger and forces himself to remain emotionless.

He rests the gun against her chest, and it’s cold and hard, even through her suit. It’s not the first time she’s had a gun pulled on her, not by a long shot, but this is _Lance_.

The way he looks at her is crushing.

She ignores every muscle in her body urging her to get the gun as far away as possible. She clenches her fists at her side, to stop her reaching for her batons. She won’t use them on him. Not when the whole mess is her fault.

“Give yourself up,” he repeats.

“No.”

“You said you were sorry. Make up your mind, love.”

“I told you. I have to finish this.”

“Don’t make me hurt you.”

 _You already have,_ she wants to tell him. Every word hurts worse than a punch ever could.

“What are you going to do, Lance?” she asks “Shoot me?”

At that, he digs the gun in harder, just enough to hurt. There’s a click as he flicks the safety off and she sucks in a breath. Maybe this show of vulnerability is just foolish and it won’t change anything. Maybe he will pull the trigger. God knows she’s given him enough reasons to.

Mack’s words echo in her head: _He loves you, and he probably will always love you. But I still think he might be capable of killing you._

“You know I have to take you in. You’re an enemy of SHIELD. You know the procedure.”

SHIELD. Coulson. Her assignment. She has to focus; has to push away the regret and the longing and the desperate need to make things right.

“Enemy of SHIELD?” she laughs, humourlessly “Since when do you even care about anything other than the next pay check?”

She regrets it instantly and curses herself as his eyes darken. But there’s no point apologising. It’s just another thing to add to the long long list of reasons why he hates her.

“Says the woman who’s been lying to her friends for _months_. At least I’m honest about my loyalties.”

“I’ve _always_ been loyal to SHIELD. Hell, that’s what half our arguments were about.”

“Loyal to SHIELD, maybe. You sure as hell aren’t loyal to anyone that makes the mistake to care about you.”  

“You’ve never been able to accept my job, Hunter, never.”

“Oh don’t turn this round on me. You’re the one that never could separate a fucking _job_ from your life. We never stood a chance.”

“Well if that’s how you feel, put your damn gun away and you’ll never have to see me again.”

Even as she says it, her eyes burn. She clenches her fists harder, using every little bit of willpower she has to keep the tears imprisoned in her eyes.

“I can’t do that, Bob,” he says, and she envies his composure. His arm remains steady, the barrel of the gun an unyielding pressure against her chest. He’d gotten better at keeping his emotions in check.

“So I surrender, then what?” she asks, and she tries to look at him as just another obstacle standing in her way. Oh, she tries.

“Whatever Coulson decides,” he replies. There’s the slightest flicker of doubt in his eyes, one that would be undetectable if not for her years of interrogation experience.

She doesn’t tell him that if he said her surrender would mean his forgiveness, she’d do it in a heartbeat, mission be damned.  

Instead, she steps forward and wrenches the gun from his hand. It scrapes along the floor, and his eyes follow it until it stops. She takes advantage of his distracted state and punches him. She winces as she hears a crack. She hadn’t meant to actually hurt him. He retaliates and misses her by inches, and she’s spinning and aiming a kick at his knees. He predicts it, just barely, and then sends her crashing into the wall. Before she can react, his forearm is pressed against her throat, pinning her there.

He’s breathing heavily, blood spurting from his broken nose. There’s still anger in his eyes, but it’s mixed with indecision now. He knows as well as she does that a fight between them won’t end well.

“Let me walk away,” she says, softly.

Maybe it’s her tone, or maybe he’s just had enough; but he relaxes his grip and steps back.

“Then go,” he responds, refusing to even look at her. He looks tired, the anger rapidly dissipating.

There’s so much she should say. But her mouth is dry and her throat hurts and she’s sure if she tries to talk all that will come out is the sobs she’s trying so hard to suppress.

“Goodbye, Lance,” she finally manages to say.

“That’s it? The rest of the _council_ don’t want you to take me in?” he asks, bitterly.

“I told you. I won’t make you stay with me.”

The _‘I love you too much for that’_ goes unsaid.

“Nice to know one thing wasn’t a lie,” he says, and maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but she’s sure there’s less malice in it.

She waits, but he doesn’t say anything else. Neither does she.

The silence becomes unbearable, and she turns to leave, furiously blinking to stop the tears. Just a few more minutes. She won’t cry in front of him. She can’t. Her resolve is already crumbling.

“Bob,” he says and it sounds like Lance again. Her Lance.

He catches her wrist and tugs her towards him with a gentleness that she’d never expected to feel from him again. His lips brush hers and the kiss is so light and so fast that she’d think it was all a dream if she wasn’t staring into his eyes. Eyes that were oh so familiar, no longer filled with hate.

“Don’t die out there.”

“I do love you, Lance,” she says, bringing her hand to cup his face “If you believe nothing else just… just know that.”

He drops her wrist, nodding once with a half-smile that breaks her heart all over again.  

She leaves then, because the need for his love and forgiveness is becoming overwhelming and she knows she’s seconds away from walking into Coulson’s cell herself if it only means she gets to be close to him.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @aqentsimmons  
> Or tumblr - bobbimqrse 
> 
> I'd love to talk to you :)


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